I have to admit, my younger days were filled with discomfort. I’m not a natural schmoozer and find small talk challenging.
I know men who can walk into a room of one hundred strangers and walk out with 98 business cards. (Remember when that was a thing?)
By contrast, I could walk into that same room and only meet the other two introverts standing by the wall, watching the other 98 men. They would mix, mingle, chat, tell jokes, and move through the room with all the comfort and power that I didn’t possess.
But here we are, in or approaching Chapter X.
At some point, our work colleagues will disappear. If you’re an introvert, you might feel the heat of a super big challenge ahead. Where do you replace comfortable relationships in your new life’s unstructured platform?
As I’ve aged, I feel a greater sense of comfort in my skin. While I still cringe at the thought of going into a room of strangers, I’m more likely to entertain the possibility of new relationships.
Here’s what I’ve learned:
- It never hurts to make the first step in opening the door to conversation. I mean, if you begin a conversation and the other person doesn’t pick up the thread, well…no loss-no harm-no foul. There’s always someone else to talk to.
- Being a great listener is the golden key. Take the lead on asking questions and listening to the response. Avoid breaking in with your own thoughts—it’s a relationship killer. Interrupting clearly says what you have to say is more important than what he has to say. Is that really what you’re going for?
- The next step is so important after an interesting conversation. Something akin to “Gee, you’ve very knowledgeable/interesting/insightful, I’d enjoy it if we could talk again?”
- Look for reciprocal openness and willingness to listen from the other person.
- Follow up. You don’t need 100 friends, but you can build a network of men with common interests, great ideas, and the willingness to get real. Don’t hitch your expectations to unreasonable limits. People that don’t get it or don’t connect with you…well, it’s not your problem and it doesn’t mean you suck.
Men can be tough when they’re in fear, competitive, or hyper-controlling. They build walls around themselves because of their insecurities. By understanding that, you have the freedom to not judge others (or yourself) too harshly.
Creating new relationships in Chapter X can be a challenge. But if you open the door, you might be surprised at who walks in.
