Meeting new people is a significant challenge for many. It means entering new territory by attempting to engage with someone you don’t know. For extroverts, who are innately wired to create conversation fearlessly and relentlessly, it’s a snap. But for others, it’s more like climbing a mountain.
Sure, thoughts might be running through your head, like:
- What am I going to say that is engaging?
- What if my attempt is met with rejection?
- What if, after I say ‘hello,’ I don’t know what to say next?
I could go on and on with all the imagined reactions that lead nowhere but misery, but you get the picture.
I am a big believer in asking questions and then setting my listening meter up to 10. For example, if I meet someone at the gym that I wish to engage in, I might ask them which equipment they find most impactful or if they have tried any of the offered classes and their reactions.
Coming up with good questions is not impossible. Start by asking questions where you are genuinely interested in the answer.
The most important aspect of this “dance” of social engagement is being an excellent listener. Rather than focusing on what you’re going to say next, really focus on what is being said. I’m sure you know the difference between someone who is listening intently and someone who is merely waiting for their turn to talk.
The next tool in your kit, after asking great questions and listening, is to ask any clarifying questions. Nothing says you’re engaged more than a follow-up question.
Stephen Covey (of Seven Habits fame) said, “First seek to understand, then to be understood.” It’s the perfect approach when you are trying to expand your network of acquaintances, friends, and contacts.
