If there is an area in my life where I can claim to be a total disaster, with complete honesty, it’s asking for what I want. And I’m not talking in the context of my work life, but in personal relationships.
I have been thinking about this a lot because it’s a problem. I believe, falsely, that people who actually KNOW me, should know what I need or want. But this false narrative comes from childhood, disappointment and not having a voice. (OK, are you going to charge me for this therapy time?)
If I have learned anything, it’s that this formula doesn’t work. It’s the source of conflict, shame, anger, sadness and blame. Frankly, every word in that list should be enough to cure me of this weakness of personality.
But it’s a struggle. Even at the tender age of 68, opening my mouth to declare my wants or needs fills me with dread. Yet juxtaposed to the outcomes, I realize that I need to focus on my courage.
I don’t know if anyone else feels this way, but it is part of my exploration into understanding myself better and shedding the cloak of ‘invincibility’ while allowing myself to be more vulnerable. It ain’t easy, folks…
Feel free to share your thoughts and experiences.
