In 2009, when Congressman Joe Wilson yelled, “You lie!” during President Obama’s State of the Union address, civility died. It was a shocking moment as the idea of respect for the office and decorum was totally flushed.
Recently, when Will Smith took to the stage and slapped Chris Rock, it was another example of the state of civility in our world. And those are just two examples that we can find without having to search hard.
From Wilson’s outburst in 2009 to the present, we have devolved into warring factions spurred on by political tribalism and the search for power. But this cycle of nastiness, intolerance and mistrust needs to move towards a productive solution. Considering the number of mass shootings that have become commonplace, not to mention the egregious atrocities going on in Ukraine, we need better solutions to bring us together.
Is kindness the answer?
Well, not in the broadest sense of the word, but on a very personal level, yes, I believe it is. If we adopt a mindset to be kind to others, to be civil to each other, we can make strides to bring us closer together rather than farther apart.
This morning, I stood in line at the grocery store while a man (who I found out later was 87 years old) stopped the line to retrieve one forgotten item. He used a cane and was moving slowly. The woman in front of me, eyes rolling in impatience, picked up her items off the belt and went to another line.
When the gentleman finally arrived back, he apologized and slowly made his way to finish his order. I offered to help get his bags arranged in his cart, but he politely refused, apologizing once more for the inconvenience he’d caused.
A few minutes later, I spotted him in the parking lot as he made his way to his car. I offered again to help him get his bundles situated and again, he refused, but engaged me by asking where I lived. Then he started talking about music; jazz, in particular. His eyes sparkled as he talked about Ahmad Jamal, Stan Kenton and Count Basie.
After a few minutes, we said goodbye and I left him to his task. My mindset to help—and my lack of impatience at his holding up the line—made a difference in me. I felt lighter and more in touch with humanity.
It cost me nothing but a few moments.
His smile and appreciation were the highlights of my day. I know, with certainty, that had this occurred years ago, I would have been less patient, less kind and less willing to help. I see this as personal growth.
Kindness and civility are not big things. They’re small, easy and they make the world better; and maybe the world isn’t better from my act of kindness, but I think I made this gentleman feel good and considered….and yes, I think it’s important.
