For many men who grew up under the auspices of parents who taught that we were put on this earth to work, become successful, support our families, and rise to the top, self-love was not in the equation. Self-criticism was pretty high on the list. Being anything other than “the best” was unacceptable and meant ultimate failure.
Looking back, I acknowledge the source of these beliefs and messages. After all, my father grew up during the Depression, where survival was of foremost importance. He grew up in a single-parent home and experienced the reality of antisemitism. Being tough was mandatory. Loving and appreciating himself was not even a fleeting thought. So naturally, he taught what he knew.
I don’t blame him or carry any animosity because I understand (to the degree I can) his journey. I look back and ponder how my life might have been different had I appreciated myself a little more, enjoyed the victories, and celebrated the “wins” rather than keeping my head down and focusing on the next goal.
I try to appreciate myself more and enjoy the moments more. I try to wrap my arms around the idea of loving myself more. I feel an inner conflict because this territory is unfamiliar, yet I see it as a path toward greater peace.
I ask myself why I should be more comfortable with self-criticism than self-love. Self-criticism is easy… I’ve earned my black belt in that particular behavior. It’s time to replace self-criticism with appreciation and to recognize the value of what I’ve already built and who I am.
What do you think? Do you struggle in the same way? What have you learned, and how are you managing the “battle?”
