I’ve shared a bit about my ongoing quest to work on areas of my life that need attention. I’m not shy about putting my discomfort on the page, hoping it will either give you food for thought or, at the very least, a good laugh at my expense.
I am not at my best walking into a crowd of people in which I know no one. For extroverts, it’s “fresh meat.” For introverts, it’s a walk on hot coals. My goal has been to enter the heat with greater frequency, to deal with the discomfort, to wrestle with my inner voice that shouts at me to stay home, stay safe, and stay in my comfort zone.
My wife and I recently joined a new congregation in our area. We share a faith with the other members, but we don’t know anyone. We’ve attended services in a roomful of strangers. So, taking my quest seriously, I accepted an invitation to a Brotherhood event. Can you hear my heart pounding and anxiety rising??
The event was last night. Walking through the building to the gathering in a lovely outdoor space, I kept the positive self-talk going in my head. “I can do this!” “I’ve got nothing to lose!” “No pain, no gain.” “I won’t die from the discomfort!” (Even though I had cogent arguments to counter each statement.)
I walked up to a crowd of more than one hundred men of various ages, clustered in groups and engaged in conversation. Laughter and camaraderie surrounded me, yet I was not magically sucked into a circle with open arms. I wasn’t even noticed. My anxiety rose to DEFCON 10.
The festivities were called to order, beckoning the attendees to find a table. I went to the nearest open seat and sat.
Introductions began (OK, not terrible) when one guy asked if anyone minded if he smoked a cigar. He even offered one to anyone interested.
Admission: I cannot tolerate smoke.
I told him to please enjoy his cigar, but I’d be moving to another table. Nine sets of eyes bore through me like lasers (or at least, that’s how I remember it).
Looking around, I spotted a table with only three men and joined them. Introductions were brief, and despite being significantly older than the others, I found myself enjoying the conversation. My anxiety began to subside.
By the time the event started to wind down, we discovered that we were all introverts on the same mission. I couldn’t help but see the similarities between our group and the “losers” on the fraternity crawl from the movie Animal House.
Yes, I walked the walk, I felt the flames, I felt the cold sweat, and yes, I survived…and I’m the better for it.
