Every phone and computer comes with factory settings. Over time, we install programs, change preferences, and make adjustments until the device behaves very differently from the day it came out of the box.
People work much the same way.
Life fills us with experiences of joy, sadness, anger, and everything in between. Some of those experiences, especially the ones from childhood, shape how we approach situations and challenges for years to come.
I grew up in a household where everything was scrutinized and criticized. A B-plus on a report card prompted only one question: “Why not an A?”
Without knowing it, I absorbed a setting of caution and wariness. I learned to brace for judgment before anyone had said a word.
It took me a long time to realize that this setting wasn’t protecting me. It was holding me back. For years, I tried telling that inner critic to shut up, sometimes every ten minutes. It was exhausting, and it didn’t work.
What finally helped was going to the source. I traced the voice back to where it started and recognized it wasn’t really mine. It was an echo of my childhood home. Then I had a good, strong talk with it about its place in my life. It could stay, but it no longer got to run the show.
Here’s what I came to understand: I wasn’t born cautious and wary. Those tendencies developed through experience. Somewhere along the way, I’d lost touch with my original factory settings. We came into the world open, curious, and adaptable, ready to learn, grow, and become.
Retirement can be a surprisingly good moment to rediscover it. When the titles, deadlines, and performance reviews fall away, so do many of the forces that kept the old programming running. We get a chance to ask which settings we actually want to keep.
Personally, I like the factory setting better.
What’s your default setting, and where did it come from?
I’d love to hear your story. Reply here or bring it to the next Chapter X monthly Zoom gathering.
